COULD NOT SLEEP

COULD NOT SLEEP! for the life of me... but i slept a little and am not hurting bad for it. Good thing I dont work my second job today. Althoguht i would really like to be working right now..... I am still paying bils and its taking a lil while but I am also coming closer and closer to my ultimate job in mind I remember a time... what was it? 14-15? something like I remember it was some odd years I used to make websites and flyer for car shows and carclubs it was impressive wht a 15 year old like me could design form the html to the graphics i did it all self taught. Not that I have forgotten any of that I just stopped learning after about 3 years and started bieng a teenager now I'm so far back that I know just as must as everyone else. I should hae pursued that par tof my brain instead of burning brain cells lol so I'm pursuing it again. Web programmer? yes maybe we'll see.. my mind may change tomorrow. either way I cant amkea big step until my bills are payed hopefully by summer I dont want tobe working two jobs in the summer. I plan to be out on the road with my baby spinning sircles just so i can feel the wind in my helmet. YA DIGGGGGGG! yay


hi

what would you do if everything you wrote people knew.. would you than watch what you say? are you blunt? are you rude? or you inconsiderate? take your pick.... everyone is all of that and more its part of being you and having opinions... I'm not exempt from this either. I do it everda. I remember when I was younger and I kept to myself.. i remember myself BEFORE i found my loud and outspoken ways. I was skinny short small and shy but I was bullied ALL the time for my accent my things and just being me. I learned to stand up for myself and not give anyone a voice since no one ever had ANYTHING nice to say about me. some people would say its a wall... a wall of incecurity.. I call it comfort and strength. What people throw at my wall I can rebuild it but I cant keep my heart from bleeding therefor I don tlet anyone touch whats not repairable. Just like glass once shattered it can be fixed but the cracks will always be there.

I really need to stop watching korean drama, but than again a girl can dream right? one day... one day I'll find someone who knows what they have and is actually afraid to lose it. I've never thoguht of myself of being cliche but my love life has really proven me wrong. I am cliche i'm a hopeless romantic I wil do it all to make it happen. Maybe thats my flaw I let them run over me and tear my heart apart into pieces and than I spend the time to pick up the pieces and move on. I never prosecute the people for what they do.. I think I know why now.. because I always cant help to think that its my fault. What should have happened and how I could have fixed it, I'm trying to learn that i'm better than that. That i'm actually a really good person and that I deserve someone who doesnt judge me and understands that being selfish in a relationship isnt about being "selfish" its about protecting the one you love because they are the person who make you happy so they should protect them no matter what because for that moment they are the happiness in your life its not always that simple hapiness in a person happens hold on to them they are a gem.

I'm trying not to be the bitter girl but its getting harder and harder not to be. especially when you have your mom constantly on you about your life you and why you suck at it and she actually MAKES sense! figure that right? ahha just kidding my mom is always right even when i dont want her to be. hahaha

Lifes a bitch and than you die

In the words of my Nas "Lifes a bitch and than you die"

live everyday as if its your last.... would I be working? probably not but I cant help it I dont find that quote realistic. Which brings me to being a realist and/or a dreamer... I love to day dream and I sure as hell can dream up a wonderful one.. you know the ones that get you smiling on your own by yourself like a wierdo yea one of those. hahaha but than I drop back to earth... BUT i really dont mind it.. I have learned a LONG time ago that deceit it right around the corner to scare and knock you off your horse when you least expect it. So i've learned to walk no matter how exciting the other ends looks never run its too risky you risk falling and skidding the ground with your face haaha...

Nothing is better than getting what you work for.. and truthfully i havent felt more fullfilled than ever I'm doing alot and I may be walking slowly to the exit of financial issue but at least i'm moving right? hahahaha either way I couldnt find anything more fullfilling than what i'm doing right now.. I know in the end I will be 10 times the person I was a year ago... I have a plan for everything EVERYTHING... from how I will wakeup to how I will go to sleep.. I priortise everything... it is probably why the last year has been so hard for me just not being in control of my finances and my life things were just hitting me from all directions and I couldnt stretch far enough to catch it all... but now i'm okay and there is finally light at the end of the tunnel... Jo is finally happy :)(financially)

I've been losing an incredible amount of weight I'm not sure if its the lack of eating or the lack or sleep or all of the walking i do at work 8 hours 5-6 days out of the week... who knows but I like it :) lets get it! i really need to lay off the cod after work.. I always cheat myself from 2 extra hours of sleep crazy being that i only have max of 6 hours of sleep to get in per day... I can feel myself aging so quickly its crazy shwayzeeee up in this mess hahaha but I wouldnt have it any other way...

"The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do."

"While we pursue happiness, we flee from contentment"

"Relationships are alot like jumping off a building... it only hurts at the end"

"Happiness trully is stability and control" for me that is.


GOD! i've been itchin to drive.. I've had such an itch to touch a car its been soooooo crazy.. I miss drifting.. i miss squeeling tires I miss the adrenilin I miss it all!! i need to get on the road and I need to get on it real quick! just need suspension turbo cosmetic my car is fine...if not my car than the celice either way I hope to be back on the track by next summer. :)

its that time

its time to stop the procrastination and get to it... gotta get it all in line and exicute.. hopefully i'll succeed... past couple of weeks have been crazy for me just realizing myself and who I am and why. Almost feels like i need a revamp on myself. I've decided to just hide and just watch from the window. I've spent too many year doing the things i find fun when I shouldhave been focusing on myself. yup thats right i'm going MIA. times 10. I dont want to do anything anymore. just work school and work. its time to get it!

UPDATE!

Where do I start?!?!

I dropped off my handsome this morning he is catching a flight out to work in chi-town. I miss him already :( It still a mystery to me how I ever was happy without him. Corny as it is to say. Our relationship has not stopped being cliche and I'm happy for it. Lately I've been feeling down just out of it and stressed but I've tried to keep my head up through it all but I swear. ANY minute now I could burst into tears the kind that after i ball my eyes out i'll feel like a milliion dollars hahahaha. WHO KNOWS... when that will happen. I've been working out alot! lately I love it i love the strength I'm gaining and the cuts that are starting to form on my arms. Whats next? diet and more exercise i'm looking for a second job right now. Lifes money reality is kicking my ass right now!!

I've been looking for a everyday makeup and I think i've found it. I love love love my milk of magnesia! I am head over heels with it. I have the greasiest face in the world and I CANNOT rant enough about this. I have yet to find a oil control spray,. lotion, moisturizer...ect this is real deal the best thing for my face i just put it under I went to vegas and NOTHING came off. or move don my face and I put ALOT of makeup on. (gotta hide them acne scars)!

I have the ip4 and thank you for front facing camera. I've always been super paranoid to bring a mirror in my purse or bag since i'm afraid to break it. So this front facing camera is magic to my life right now and forever. I've facetimed alot lately morning and night with my beloved its great i like it alot I can see him smile :).. On another note my acne has gone out of freaking control so I've been on my julep ritual for a minute! it helps alot I just have to do it everyday until they are gone. I usually do it before i wash my face and while i'm playing C.O.D. which by the way has been super furstrating some days i'm good some days i'm screaming my life out. I cant really help it i've always been WAYYYY to competitive and high strung. Video games really doesnt help me as a person but neither does salt.. but i so it all anyways.

here are some pictures of the past time i've been mia.

ps: I need some qt with my qt lol HEEEEYOOOOOOOP