STORY OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! HMMM dang trey

Look what this girl … did to me
She didn't cut me off from a good good love
She told me that those days where gone

Now I'm sitting here goin' half crazy
'Cause I know she still thinks about me too
And it ain't no way in hell
That I can be just friends with you

And I wish we never did it
And I wish we never loved it
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now it ain't no way we can be friends

The way it felt no fakin' it
Maybe we were movin' just a little too fast
But what we've done we can't take it back

Now I'm sitting here halfway crazy
'Cause I know she still thinks about me too
And it ain't no way in hell
That I can be just friends with you

And I wish we never did it
Trey Songz Can't Be Friends lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/trey-songz-cant-be-friends-lyrics.html

And I wish we never loved it
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now it ain't no way we can be friends

And all I can say is
La la la la la la la (la)
La la la la la la la la la (la la la ooh)
La la la la la la la la la la (hey)
Ain't no tellin' what we could have been
Ain't no tellin' what we could have been (no)

And if I knew it ends like this
I never would have kissed you cause I fell in love with you
We never would have kicked it
Girl now every things different
I've lost my own recoverin' my friend

That's why I wish we never did it
Oooh yea
And I wish we never loved it (I wish we'd never loved it)
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now it ain't no way we can be friends (we can't be friends)

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la

I love to laugh and smile and this weekend has really made me happy :) always goes to show you that after the rain is always the sunshine :)I love it!

going on 3 weeks now.... Feels like the past 3 weeks have been a "easier said than done" time. Everything I think is so hard to do. Its hard for me to walk away and not look back whenever everything reminds me of the times. I know I will create new ones I know I'll be great later I know i'll find happiness I know I have alot going for me but all of that is just hard to see when you have no one to share it. I just have to keep strong stay focused and look straight I know these emo posts will eventually go away and I'll be posting about a happier moment in my life. I know it. I just have to wait for it keep positive and live one moment at a time make new memories and rely on myself than again.......... easier said than done.

so many things to do so little time so much change so much stress.... I'll get through it just have to keep on moving..

have you ever taken a step back and taken a real hard look at how people see you? I know I have and I had come to the conclusion that I dont care what others think of me. I am a respectful person and if anyone knows me i'm all jokes and laughter my jokes may sometimes be harsh but nothing I wouldnt say to intentinally hurt anyone. It's odd to me how someone can judge another. I have friends who i hold dear I dont care what they do and who they do it does NOT matter to me because at the end of the day they do not pay my bills and they do not fix my problems all that is done by me and only me.. support on the other hand I can ALWAYS count on them and thats all i really ask from them for them to be there for me when I am confused or need support. I watch some of my friends just befriend people who are soooooooooooooo obviously wrong and bad people waiting to happen but theres nothing i can do I absolutely hate that I hate seeing people i care for get hurt and when you watch someone just run right into it it feels like crap. I just want to slap them and say "HEY! why?!" but its not my place and its not for to say so i dont.. I can only hope that they will look and see those who judge and those who dont. I mean everyone judges but only a friend will accept.

People who say they arent drama usually are the drama. Have you ever noticed that?.. pshhh i know I have! so many times. So i just mind my own business those people will usually conjure up something small and make it big its just the way they think... who knows its their perogative I dont really care unless they start to mess with me or anything I care for than thats when I get mad. I wouldnt stand up for anyone who didnt deserve it and I cant see stupid people talk down to anyone i care for.

I slept in this weekend and it was nice :) i loved it just video games work and sleep feels nice to just relax. I've always been used to be on the go everything everwhere plans people friends loves family all sorts of things.. Dont get me wrong I LOVE being a busy bee and having alot of events to do and go to but I havent been home for more than 2 weeks in a LONG time. I unpacked my "travel bag" and I actually can unpack and leave it that way its a little wierd but I have all these little travel bags everywhere that I dont know what to do with hahah so i just put it away. Its wierd not having to plan out the things i have to bring with me now its just my phone id and card thats it I dont need my duffle bag and my purse and magazines all that because i'm actually gonna come back home ater i'm done its wierd but i'll get used to it no problem. now I can focus on cleaning more since i have more time and hate to see a unclean room haahah doesnt mean I'll actually do it.. but anyhow Im coping with things well enough and I've prioritised my life as well as I can I just need it to come quickly. I know next year will be big for me it will offically be my FIRST year I will be alone everythign from events holidays to sleeping everything I will be alone to do it all by myself that has NEVER happened since last time i was fully single was when i was 17? yes its been that long but I will be fine I'm strong and I have a check list i have to attend to and when i'm done I know I'll be satisfied to really get what I want out of life.

:)

COULD NOT SLEEP

COULD NOT SLEEP! for the life of me... but i slept a little and am not hurting bad for it. Good thing I dont work my second job today. Althoguht i would really like to be working right now..... I am still paying bils and its taking a lil while but I am also coming closer and closer to my ultimate job in mind I remember a time... what was it? 14-15? something like I remember it was some odd years I used to make websites and flyer for car shows and carclubs it was impressive wht a 15 year old like me could design form the html to the graphics i did it all self taught. Not that I have forgotten any of that I just stopped learning after about 3 years and started bieng a teenager now I'm so far back that I know just as must as everyone else. I should hae pursued that par tof my brain instead of burning brain cells lol so I'm pursuing it again. Web programmer? yes maybe we'll see.. my mind may change tomorrow. either way I cant amkea big step until my bills are payed hopefully by summer I dont want tobe working two jobs in the summer. I plan to be out on the road with my baby spinning sircles just so i can feel the wind in my helmet. YA DIGGGGGGG! yay


hi

what would you do if everything you wrote people knew.. would you than watch what you say? are you blunt? are you rude? or you inconsiderate? take your pick.... everyone is all of that and more its part of being you and having opinions... I'm not exempt from this either. I do it everda. I remember when I was younger and I kept to myself.. i remember myself BEFORE i found my loud and outspoken ways. I was skinny short small and shy but I was bullied ALL the time for my accent my things and just being me. I learned to stand up for myself and not give anyone a voice since no one ever had ANYTHING nice to say about me. some people would say its a wall... a wall of incecurity.. I call it comfort and strength. What people throw at my wall I can rebuild it but I cant keep my heart from bleeding therefor I don tlet anyone touch whats not repairable. Just like glass once shattered it can be fixed but the cracks will always be there.

I really need to stop watching korean drama, but than again a girl can dream right? one day... one day I'll find someone who knows what they have and is actually afraid to lose it. I've never thoguht of myself of being cliche but my love life has really proven me wrong. I am cliche i'm a hopeless romantic I wil do it all to make it happen. Maybe thats my flaw I let them run over me and tear my heart apart into pieces and than I spend the time to pick up the pieces and move on. I never prosecute the people for what they do.. I think I know why now.. because I always cant help to think that its my fault. What should have happened and how I could have fixed it, I'm trying to learn that i'm better than that. That i'm actually a really good person and that I deserve someone who doesnt judge me and understands that being selfish in a relationship isnt about being "selfish" its about protecting the one you love because they are the person who make you happy so they should protect them no matter what because for that moment they are the happiness in your life its not always that simple hapiness in a person happens hold on to them they are a gem.

I'm trying not to be the bitter girl but its getting harder and harder not to be. especially when you have your mom constantly on you about your life you and why you suck at it and she actually MAKES sense! figure that right? ahha just kidding my mom is always right even when i dont want her to be. hahaha

Everyone had different morals...

-"Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean and straight; indecision, a dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it"


- "The assumption that seeing is believing makes us susceptible to visual deceptions"

Lifes a bitch and than you die

In the words of my Nas "Lifes a bitch and than you die"

live everyday as if its your last.... would I be working? probably not but I cant help it I dont find that quote realistic. Which brings me to being a realist and/or a dreamer... I love to day dream and I sure as hell can dream up a wonderful one.. you know the ones that get you smiling on your own by yourself like a wierdo yea one of those. hahaha but than I drop back to earth... BUT i really dont mind it.. I have learned a LONG time ago that deceit it right around the corner to scare and knock you off your horse when you least expect it. So i've learned to walk no matter how exciting the other ends looks never run its too risky you risk falling and skidding the ground with your face haaha...

Nothing is better than getting what you work for.. and truthfully i havent felt more fullfilled than ever I'm doing alot and I may be walking slowly to the exit of financial issue but at least i'm moving right? hahahaha either way I couldnt find anything more fullfilling than what i'm doing right now.. I know in the end I will be 10 times the person I was a year ago... I have a plan for everything EVERYTHING... from how I will wakeup to how I will go to sleep.. I priortise everything... it is probably why the last year has been so hard for me just not being in control of my finances and my life things were just hitting me from all directions and I couldnt stretch far enough to catch it all... but now i'm okay and there is finally light at the end of the tunnel... Jo is finally happy :)(financially)

I've been losing an incredible amount of weight I'm not sure if its the lack of eating or the lack or sleep or all of the walking i do at work 8 hours 5-6 days out of the week... who knows but I like it :) lets get it! i really need to lay off the cod after work.. I always cheat myself from 2 extra hours of sleep crazy being that i only have max of 6 hours of sleep to get in per day... I can feel myself aging so quickly its crazy shwayzeeee up in this mess hahaha but I wouldnt have it any other way...

"The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do."

"While we pursue happiness, we flee from contentment"

"Relationships are alot like jumping off a building... it only hurts at the end"

"Happiness trully is stability and control" for me that is.


GOD! i've been itchin to drive.. I've had such an itch to touch a car its been soooooo crazy.. I miss drifting.. i miss squeeling tires I miss the adrenilin I miss it all!! i need to get on the road and I need to get on it real quick! just need suspension turbo cosmetic my car is fine...if not my car than the celice either way I hope to be back on the track by next summer. :)

Yea Random

Everyone has different morals good or bad. I for one have always been confident enough to know that I am strong well round opinionated person. In my meaning I can give it and I can take it. I will work for it and succeed in it. All I expect from people is to give me something interesting to live for. I dont consider myself to be someone who is closed off i'm actually really open when it comes to people... am I judgemental? yes who isnt.. hahah... I have a great understanding of myself the people around me and part of living is learning.. my mom says its a bad thing she says i'm a risk taker and not everyone likes that but not a day do I go regretting anything that has happened to me. I take everything and I learn from it.

Its funny how songs sometimes will speak for you I absolutely love it.. makes me feel that i'm not the only one going through it.. since i'm not worlds best at expressing feelings its nice to listen to someone else tell me the issues and for me to me able to say yes.. thats me.

Everyone hopes to get that caring, loving, wonderful, beautiful, humorous, smart person in their life, hands down those things are what majority want.. imagin that! yea than you get it but unfortunately those arent the only characteristics the person has they also are argumentative because they are smart they want love back because they are caring... than all of a sudden its too much? than what do you call yourself? picky? Is love really something you have to compromise with? something you have to give and take. Is there a perfect person? the sweetheart with the kindest heart could be the bum on the side will you take her in? I mean she does have the qualities you want but the only thing is shes broke... will you bathe and love her? of course not people are shallow like it or not you are shallow. People go forever searcing for the love of their lives and when they find it they put it on a pedastool and stare at it,but when the person starts to get tired and slouch do you tell her to keep standing straight up no matter how tired she is OR do you massage her and help you get back energy so she can go back to being the perfect person?

as I have lived my life my motto still stands.

Life is a like a burger its fine without the condimens but its perfect with the condimens take those away and its just plain again nothing more nothing less... live on your fine :)

its that time

its time to stop the procrastination and get to it... gotta get it all in line and exicute.. hopefully i'll succeed... past couple of weeks have been crazy for me just realizing myself and who I am and why. Almost feels like i need a revamp on myself. I've decided to just hide and just watch from the window. I've spent too many year doing the things i find fun when I shouldhave been focusing on myself. yup thats right i'm going MIA. times 10. I dont want to do anything anymore. just work school and work. its time to get it!

Changes

"Why is she like that?
why does she say that?
why does she do that?
who does she think she is?
I dont get her
Shes not bettter than anyone
Maybe she wants to be cool?
Maybe she thinks its funny?
Why would she say that?
Cant she be nicer?
Was that intentional?
What did she mean by that?
Does she think before she talks?
Its her age
its her upbringing
its her sisters
its her friends
its not ok
its not right
shes wrong
shes wrong
she has no room to talk
i hope that was a joke
shes not funny
she offends people
She should learn to be nicer
she should learn some communication skills
she should learn to be more sensitive
she should step down a knotch
she laughs at the wrong things
she should be quiet sometimes
she should think before she speaks
shes immature
she needs a reality check
someone needs to knock her down a knotch"

UPDATE!

Where do I start?!?!

I dropped off my handsome this morning he is catching a flight out to work in chi-town. I miss him already :( It still a mystery to me how I ever was happy without him. Corny as it is to say. Our relationship has not stopped being cliche and I'm happy for it. Lately I've been feeling down just out of it and stressed but I've tried to keep my head up through it all but I swear. ANY minute now I could burst into tears the kind that after i ball my eyes out i'll feel like a milliion dollars hahahaha. WHO KNOWS... when that will happen. I've been working out alot! lately I love it i love the strength I'm gaining and the cuts that are starting to form on my arms. Whats next? diet and more exercise i'm looking for a second job right now. Lifes money reality is kicking my ass right now!!

I've been looking for a everyday makeup and I think i've found it. I love love love my milk of magnesia! I am head over heels with it. I have the greasiest face in the world and I CANNOT rant enough about this. I have yet to find a oil control spray,. lotion, moisturizer...ect this is real deal the best thing for my face i just put it under I went to vegas and NOTHING came off. or move don my face and I put ALOT of makeup on. (gotta hide them acne scars)!

I have the ip4 and thank you for front facing camera. I've always been super paranoid to bring a mirror in my purse or bag since i'm afraid to break it. So this front facing camera is magic to my life right now and forever. I've facetimed alot lately morning and night with my beloved its great i like it alot I can see him smile :).. On another note my acne has gone out of freaking control so I've been on my julep ritual for a minute! it helps alot I just have to do it everyday until they are gone. I usually do it before i wash my face and while i'm playing C.O.D. which by the way has been super furstrating some days i'm good some days i'm screaming my life out. I cant really help it i've always been WAYYYY to competitive and high strung. Video games really doesnt help me as a person but neither does salt.. but i so it all anyways.

here are some pictures of the past time i've been mia.

ps: I need some qt with my qt lol HEEEEYOOOOOOOP

Its been a while friends

Its been a while friends and I've been oober busy traveling, working, gaming and hmmmm tryign to stay on track with school and work... I found an old blog i used to have earlier this year but i'm closing it directing everyone to this blog instead. SOOO!! welcome everyone!..

Its that time of the year again.. the new look time. I need to change it up if its the hair makeup anything. I've been working out alot and I'm starting to really like my little muscles i'm growing lol hahahah. Captain Cambo built them I've never had a strong upper body but i'm starting to equal out the two, which I dont mind at all.

I will post picture of random past months of fun WOOT!.



haha My sisters first photoshoot :)


stupid bra


We call her paparazzi


Capitan cambo and I in vegas


knocked out and he was awake I awoke after :)


Yea.......... Orginally he put up this picture from his 4g jokingly asking where his deoderant was.... wack! hahah a girl loves her makeup!


that skirt was short


my friends of the universe :)


this was in the elevator in our Hotel


i think this was the first day :)



that monga drank was BOMB!


My friends boat first time tubing man it was fun like a live video game :)


est.2002


TL chicken is worth it!

Lately

Its been crazy! no not really well i'm super trying to lose all this weight I like feeling sore it feels AWESOME! my fourth weekend was soooooo nice! lets RECAP!

Friday: karate kid....... good movie i actually liked it.. not too corny

Saturday: We stayed at my house on friday night and woke up super early adn took the ferry to San juan islands :) we ate on the dock and just walked around it was sooooooo nice and romantic than we went SHOPPING! I got so much stuff for cheap i'm talkinga bout 10 dollars for 100 dollar dresses. than we had a get toethr at his place with our friends omg SOOOOOOOOOOOO much food it was great though

Sunday: 3 bbqs too much drinking hahaha fun though! i dont remember anything after 11pm really hahah i'm so hyper when i'm drunk hahaha not sure why really.

Monday:Had another get together but at our friends place they bbqed it was fun than we all went to walk around the park that was nice. Babes got a dslr so we were messing with that alot hahahaha. SUPER nice pictures.











Thats all the pictures I'm lazy to take picture of all the stuff I got and all hahahhaha

This weekend

With everything that happens during the week I dont have time to ever update or blog EVERYDAY! so therefor I am doing it weekly. This weekend I attended a great friend of jonathans wedding. BEAUTIFUL wedding. I stayed drunk for way to long got home with a headache! So earlier on the week I foudn out about something called Adrenal Here is a description.


Adrenal types have difficulty with certain areas of the body that tend to hold on to excess fat.

Upper back
Breasts
Stomach
People who fall into this category need help getting rid of belly fat. The approach should also increase flexibility and energy levels.

CRAZY! yes so anyhow. I've been on a anatural apth all weekend. Joanthans been good at hlping me remember hahahah.

on another note I have ALOT of products I dont and ahve never used that i'm goign to start selling. I'll try ebay and I'llpost soem on here as well if anyone has suggestions of teh ebtter thigns to post on blogs versus the onces to post on ebay let me a girl know! heres a picture of Bay and I from the weekend. Jonathan snapped it from his camera. BTW it took me 30! minues to get ready we were runnings late that shower hair and maekup.. I was VERY! surprised. and as you can tell this was my first time curling my hair. hahahhahaha

June 21st 2010

HELLO BLOGGING WORLD!!!

I've blogged before earlier in my life, But I stopped since I got too busy. So here I am blogging again about random events in my life that I want to share. I'm in the process of getting a new camera sooooooo for now you will just have to enjoy what is posted.

My weekend? it was good I went on a date with a hot boy. He picked me up and took me to an ethiopian place (had never tried before). It was MAGICAL! i loved it and so did he we than went to watch a live band (well two live bands) that was sooo nice we had a could drinks chatted and laughed alot. We than went to the taco truck where we had maybe some fo the best tacos i've ever had! and trust me i've tried a couple different ones, we ended the night after that. It is just always nice to be able to walk and just chill. My friday was perfect :) Saturday... we woke up adn went to his brothers house for his neice and nephews blessing SOOOOOOOOO much food it was sooooo good than we headed to our friends barbeque and ended at his place for a small get together with our friends, satruday was SOOOOOOOOOOO packed with things to do oh dear goodness. Sunday I stayed at his place and slept in he went to eat with his family and I just stayed home wit bailey ( his dog ) I waited for himt o come home and we naped and were lazy the rest of the day, than we went back to my house to sleep and start our TODAY!!!!!!!!

I'm on a rage to lose weight or else my boyfriend will leave me for someone else....

here is goes

Monday (today)- Arms and abs and 30 minutes cardio

Tuesday- Legs and 30 minutes cardio

Wednesday - Arms and abs and 30 minutes cardio

Thursday- Legs and 30 minutes abs

Friday - arms and abs 30 minutes cardio

Saturday - Day off WAY TOO MUCH TO DO!

Sunday- Arms and legs. (maybe) hahahah

Trying to keep at a 1100 calorie intake.

Here are some of the pictures from the my weekend :)